5 Questions to Ask Your Ninth Grader Right Now

Do you know what you’ll be doing 1200 days from now? Well, if you’re the parent of a current ninth grader, you’ll probably be sitting at your child’s high school graduation. Although thoughts of caps and gowns and college may seem light years away, it’s never too early to start planning for the future. In fact, ninth grade is a critical time to set your student up for college success. 

But how do you know if your ninth grader is on the path to success? Ask! Today we’re sharing 5 questions that will help you ‘check in’ with your freshman and create important college-building conversations. 

1. How are you feeling about your classes?

What did you get on that test? Did you do your homework? Well, have you asked your teacher for help? Let’s face it, sometimes parenting can feel more like project management. You may find yourself inquiring into due dates and scores just to stay ‘in the know.’ While this information is certainly handy, it might not tell you the whole academic story about your ninth grader.

Rather than framing questions that only result in a yes, no or eye roll, try a more open-ended framework. “How are you feeling about x…” is a great way to create a conversation and help your child reflect on the academic transition to high school. For example, a simple “how are you feeling about your homework load” could lead to productive discussions about time management, the need for a math tutor, or changes to after-school commitments.

2. What’s sparking your interest?

Ninth grade is a discovery year, as students begin to take new electives and get involved with activities that may not have been available to them in middle school. Check in with your child to see which subjects, clubs, and causes are engaging them. And then encourage them to explore these areas even more! For example, if your child enjoys talking about politics in their government class, suggest that they try out the debate team or attend a Model U.N. meeting.

3. How are you getting to know your teachers?

We know, we know. Some teenagers don’t even like having conversations with their parents, let alone with adults at school. However, establishing strong relationships with teachers is extremely important. Not only are these relationships proven to increase a student’s academic performance, they can be downright inspirational. We hear stories all the time from students who credit particular high school teachers for their career paths and leadership skills. 

Building connections is a great skill for students to develop early on in high school. Talk to your ninth grader about habits that can make for strong teacher relationships: participating in class, asking questions, reaching out for help, visiting teachers during study halls and free periods. These small efforts to engage go a long way!

4. What’s on your high school bucket list?

Ask a ninth grader about their goals for the next three and half years, and you’ll probably get a bewildered look in return--or an abrupt reply concerning grades. But there’s much more to the high school experience than just GPAs. Help your child start to think about the ways in which they want to get involved in the community. Have they always wanted to take center stage in a school play or learn how to play lacrosse? Can they see themselves running for student council or maybe creating a fundraiser to help their favorite cause? We love the bucket list question because it can help students get out of their comfort zones and picture the many possibilities for their high school experience.

5. What would you like to do this summer?

This may seem like a strange question to ask when we are just coming up on Thanksgiving, but hear us out. Summer is an ideal time for rising sophomores to explore their interests and begin developing the skills they’ll need for college. Luckily, there are hundreds of opportunities for 15 year olds to choose from: international excursions, enrichment courses, volunteer projects, and yes, even some internships. 

Start exploring options with your child now. Many summer programs will begin accepting applications as early as December. If you’re not sure where to look, check out the DC College Counseling Database. We regularly update our site with exciting summer experience opportunities. 

College Experience Coaching - Applications & Special Programs

Last week, we covered the ins and outs of the course registration process and how college experience coaching can help. While course registration is often one of the most complex and nuanced parts of the first few years of college, it is by no means the ONLY challenge that students will come upon their first year (and beyond!)

College experience coaching can also help when students find themselves needing to complete internal applications within their college or university. Unfortunately, these have become a common part of the college experience!

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What do you mean, more applications?

Yup. As a college student, there are two main types of applications that we help students complete (while ensuring they put their best foot forward!).

The first is an academic application for a special program, school, or course experience that interests them. Many schools offer selective programs within the university that students can potentially enter in their second or third year. These are often pre-professional programs; for example, both the McIntire School of Commerce at UVa and the Robins School of Business at William & Mary will only accept students through a selective internal application process. And this is quite common elsewhere, too. There may also be scholarship opportunities, honors colleges, or even research funding for which students can apply while at school.

The second type is actually an extracurricular application. Believe it or not, many clubs and organizations also require (sometimes extensive!) applications and even interviews from students looking for leadership opportunities or membership in campus organizations. Frankly, this can be a pain, but these experiences are worth the effort; not only do they help students develop practical skills they need for the workforce, they are very useful when it comes to building resumes for job or internship opportunities. We help students stay on track to put together the best possible application packages - all while balancing their academic work.

What type of applications can you help with?

Applications are our expertise! Here are just some of the application types that we’ve successfully provided coaching to help students complete:

• Honors College applications

• Internal applications for selective schools or majors within the institution

• Study abroad applications

• Internship applications

• Research or grant funding applications

• Internal and external scholarship applications

• Leadership positions, including those in greek life

• Campus organizations requiring applications for baseline membership

• Student government, student ambassador, and other institutional applications

Does my student’s school even have these types of opportunities?

Most likely, the answer is yes! But many of them may not be highly publicized, or your student may not know about the deadlines for some more selective programs. It can be really disappointing to realize junior year that research funding would have been possible, if only you’d taken a one-credit research seminar that is only offered to sophomores! We can help students investigate the possibilities on their campus and make sure they are on track to achieving their goals and making the most out of their experiences.

Can’t I just help my student with this stuff?

Yes! For some families, this works well and parents can help and encourage their students to make the most of the college experience. If that is you, college experience coaching may not be the best fit.

However, if any of the following sounds familiar, this may be a good investment for your family: “I don’t think she has any idea what she wants to do.” “I’m worried that he’s not thinking about his future.” “I’m not sure how to support her without imposing my own ideas.” “He says he’ll apply but the deadline is in two weeks and I don’t see how that’s possible.”

We hear issues like these from parents all the time. You want to support your student, but you also want them to have their own college experience. Or you think they need someone to talk to about their future plans, but you just can’t get them to talk to you without feeling like you’re nagging every time you get a phone call! A check-in with a professional can provide a sounding board outside of the family for both you and your student, giving you peace of mind and helping to keep your relationship intact.

Have an upcoming application deadline?

Reach out to Shannon today to learn more about college experience coaching, and check out our Packages and Fees page for more information on costs.

College Experience Coaching - Course Registration Time!

Did you know that in addition to educational consulting, we also offer college experience coaching to help students navigate their first year of college and beyond? Whether students are hoping to prepare for success in graduate school admissions, enter the job market with a strong resume, or simply just maximize the undergraduate experience, working with us can help make it happen!

So while our high school seniors are submitting their applications and waiting to hear from their schools, we’ve been busy helping our Class of 2021, Class of 2020, and Class of 2019 students with their spring course registration!

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Can’t their advisors help with that?

At many schools, course selection and registration are notoriously difficult - especially for underclassmen. Even at ultra-selective private universities, advisors are meant to help facilitate schedules and share information about graduation requirements. So while they can certainly help, it’s not typically the kind of personalized assistance that most of our students (and their parents) expect!

Yes, there are a few exceptions, but most do not sit down with students to examine options and plot out the best possible schedule permutations. They can’t - they just don’t have time to do that for each student. It’s just like the school counselor vs. independent counselor issue we’ve discussed so many times before.

How does it work?

We do the research and leg work to help put together a personalized schedule tailored to your student’s preferences, goals, core requirements, and major/minor requirements - as well as backups (and backups to the backups!) to be covered when registration hits those inevitable snafus. Worried about getting stuck with a hard or boring professor? Not on our watch! Want to make sure no classes start before 10 a.m. and Fridays are free? We make it happen all the time!

Revealing our secrets…

Want to try to put the best possible schedule together on your own? Here’s some tips and tricks right out of our playbook:

1. Map out a four-year plan from the start. Colleges typically provide lists of various requirements (general education, major, minor, etc), but they don’t always put everything together in one place. Sketching out a general four-year plan is a necessary first step that we take with each of our students - we put all of their requirements together in one place and incorporate space for study abroad, co-ops, and any other deviations from a traditional schedule.

   This provides an easy way for students to visualize exactly which types of courses they need to take and when, and how much flexibility they have - for example, how many times they can change their major before they are at risk of graduating late! - or whether they have room to pick up a new minor, etc. It also really helps to have a baseline when it comes to planning out each individual semester. We do modify this four-year plan as things change, but we rely heavily upon it.

2. Create a master list early. As soon as course schedules are released for the upcoming semester (typically about a month in advance of registration), start planning out options. Look at the four year plan, determine which requirements are slated to be met during that particular semester, and start playing with the schedule to determine which available courses will fit the requirements. Come up with a master list of potential options.

3. Identify the top two criteria of choice and start removing courses from consideration. We recommend prioritizing the quality of the instructor more than anything else. Even the most boring material can be interesting with a great professor. We always look for those who aren’t harsh graders, but are engaging and make learning fun. Depending on the material and the student’s needs, we may also look for those who are highly effective in terms of teaching the subject matter. This is less important in some situations (i.e. an English major trying to meet a Natural Science graduation requirement)- but it’s essential in others (I.e. a nursing major who ultimately needs to pass the NCLEX exam, an accounting major who ultimately needs to pass the CPA exam, etc). In addition to instructor quality, we also prioritize aspects including time of day, day of week, difficulty of subject matter when compared to alternatives, etc.)

4. Keep careful notes for future semesters. Maybe it comes out that Prof. Smith is the most amazing in the psychology department, but he’s only teaching 9am classes this semester and that’s a deal-breaker. No problem! Write down a reminder to check out his courses during the following semester’s registration period. After we research various professors, we often put together short descriptions of their characteristics - bad and good - to make for easy reference down the line.

5. Put permutations together! Start with the classes that seem to fit the top two criteria best, and put together a whole bunch of permutations that fit the general preference guidelines. There will be pros and cons to each permutation, and we like to rank them in order of preference. We also make sure that there are options available with a wide range of classes, because we don’t know which ones will fill up immediately on the morning of registration. For example, if every single schedule permutation includes POL315 and that one fills, it would be a problem!

6. Monitor closely and adjust when needed. Freshmen typically register last, and even juniors can find that their top-choice courses have filled by the time their registration window opens. It’s important to be aware of which courses are filling, and which seem likely to fill. This way we can remove those permutations from the list and examine whether we have a sufficient number ready for registration day. Sometimes we need to go back to the drawing board to add more.

7. Be strategic on registration day. After all of this prep work, it’s vital to make sure that students don’t miss their registration windows - and these usually happen very early in the morning. Be at the computer, ready to go, at least fifteen minutes in advance. Make sure to have a list of courses (in order of importance - those with fewer spots or which are most critical to the schedule should be prioritized). Start refreshing about a minute before the window to make sure to gain access immediately, and start registering from the pre-determined list. Make sure that the backup permutations are readily available to make for an easy pivot if courses fill unexpectedly.

Money Well Spent

Does this sound incredibly time-consuming? Well - that’s because it is (now you understand why advisors could never do this!). That’s why many parents ask us to step in - we are experienced and can take care of this much more efficiently than a student or parent could.

Still, our services aren’t free, or inexpensive. But put it into perspective, the cost of college today makes our fees look like chump change in comparison! Planning out course selection this way will greatly maximize the likelihood that a student will be able to graduate on time, and with the best possible grades. Every time something goes wrong (the student misses a requirement by mistake, or signs up for a course with a difficult professor and has to drop mid-semester, or doesn’t leave enough slots to be able to take all of their major/minor coursework on time), the likelihood of graduating in four years decreases.

Just about a week ago, the National Center for Education Statistics released updated data on graduation rates, and it’s pretty bleak. Did you know that only about 40% of students graduate from four-year universities within four years, and perhaps even scarier, only 64% graduate from four-year universities within SIX years! Even at an in-state public university, an extra year can cost around $35,000 - and that’s not including the opportunity cost of the year of lost income (average starting base salary for a B.S. graduate from UVa’s Commerce School: $78,000). Even using conservative estimates, we’re talking about a six-figure loss. So the investment of professional direction can be well worth it, and often ends up saving quite a bit of money down the line.

Need some help with Spring 2022 Registration?

Reach out to Shannon today to learn more about college experience coaching, and check out our Packages and Fees page for more information on costs.

Introducing: Academic Coaching!

We are so excited to formally announce a new offering to our high school clients starting this spring - academic coaching! Shannon is an experienced academic coach and looks forward to working with our clients in this capacity.

Many of our students struggle with executive functioning challenges, and we have been so grateful for the opportunity to support them throughout the college application process. Families have seen what a difference it makes for their students to have us acting in the role of “project manager” and breaking daunting tasks down into manageable and accessible chunks.

Over the years, families have noticed how effective our method has been for their students and asked for our assistance outside of the active stage of the application process - helping students to develop their skills so they are more successful in high school with much less stress.

With so much interest, we decided to transition from offering this service upon request to including it among of our formal service offerings!

Think your student could be a good fit for academic coaching? Keep reading to learn more!

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What is academic coaching?

Academic coaching is offered to help high school students who struggle with time management, organization, study skills, or academic anxiety. Our process gets to the root of a student’s difficulties and equips them with the practical tools they need to be successful in managing their workload, in their current academic stage and beyond! 

What isn’t academic coaching?

Academic coaching is not a replacement for psychotherapy! Coaching focuses on helping students implement actionable skills to achieve specific academic and personal goals. A coach is not a teacher or tutor - instead, a coach is a partner in helping your student be successful. Coaching can work in tandem with psychotherapy, medication, and other strategies as part of a treatment plan - or just by itself.

Academic coaching is also not subject tutoring. We will not work with your student on a paper, or teach them math skills - instead, students will learn organizational and time management skills that can be applicable across any academic or professional discipline. We can also work with an existing tutor or academic support professional to provide the best possible coaching for your student. 

Who could benefit from academic coaching?

Academic coaching is helpful for a range of students. Students with executive functioning difficulties, including those caused by ADD/ADHD or ASD, are great candidates for coaching. High-flyers who struggle with test-taking or other forms of academic anxiety can also learn coping skills from working with a coach.

Some students only need an hour or two of coaching on a periodic basis, to get them on track during busy weeks like finals, or through a recovery period from an illness or injury that led to missed schoolwork! Our flexible options let you choose what works best for your family. 

DOES THE STUDENT HAVE TO BE A CLIENT OF DC COLLEGE COUNSELING TO PURSUE ACADEMIC COACHING?

While academic coaching is open to current, past, and future clients, it’s also open to students who have no affiliation with us. The services are completely separate.

What does a typical academic coaching session look like?

This is a hard question to answer, because we hope that our sessions look like help to your student - and every student’s needs are different! Here are some things that might happen in an academic coaching session:

1. We work with your student to plan out their schedule for the next week - when and how they will complete their homework, as well as any upcoming major tests, projects, or papers 

2. We work with your student during a busy time of year, like finals, or after they are injured and are struggling to catch up with work. We help them to plan out a schedule to get through their busy season, and look ahead to what is coming up next! 

3. We help your student come up with a plan to tackle a particular project, like studying for a major exam or writing a paper. We break the project down into manageable steps, then build a schedule to guarantee that it is completed on time. (Does this sound familiar? Yes - we can teach students to approach ALL projects just like they approach the college admissions process!)

4. We work on study skills, test-taking strategies, or suggestions for note-taking in class or while reading. Working on these skills now will leave your student ahead of the game in college, where many students will arrive without ever really learning how to study. 

5. Anything you need it to look like! Is your student having trouble sending an email to a professor or signing up for a time to meet with their academic advisor? Stop nagging and let us step in. We can provide support for a variety of executive functioning challenges as well as academic anxiety - feel free to reach out to us to learn more about how we can support your family.

Packages and Fees:

Our flexible packages let you choose the best fit for the needs of your student and family. 

HOURLY COACHING - Introductory Rate of $200/session on an as-needed basis

WHAT YOU GET: 

• One-hour student coaching session to discover and address particular needs and challenges. 

• Follow-up email including any materials or strategies covered during the session, along with tips and instructions for implementing them at home. 

• One fifteen-minute follow-up phone call to check in on student progress and make changes to strategies if necessary. 

MONTHLY COACHING - Introductory Rate of $600/month with minimum commitment of three months

WHAT YOU GET:

• Monthly parent meeting to talk about student needs and parental concerns. 

• Weekly one-hour student coaching sessions to discover and address particular needs and challenges. 

• Follow-up emails after each session including any materials or strategies covered during the session, along with tips and instructions for implementing them at home. 

• One check-in text message each week to remind student of important tasks and deadlines. 

• One check-in parent text message each week to further discuss student’s progress.

Shannon loved her work as an academic coach at Boston College before joining our team, and is excited for the opportunity to support more students in this role!

We are so excited to introduce this additional way to provide support for our students, and help prepare them to take the next step in their education.

Questions about academic coaching? Reach out to Shannon for more information.

Ready to get started? Let us know you’re ready for monthly coaching and we’ll send a contract your way, or sign up for a one-time coaching session here.

Ten Years!

It’s incredible that today is our tenth anniversary. So many emotions!

In all honesty, I’m not as excited today as I would have expected. I have reflected a lot over the past week or two about what I’ve accomplished over the last decade and the many sacrifices I have made along the way to get where I am today. Some have been small and some have been enormous (hello second child with zero maternity leave, and I do mean ZERO).

It kills me to think about the many other small business owners out there who have worked just as hard as I have - and their entire livelihoods have been destroyed because of factors that (a) came out of nowhere and (b) were entirely out of their control. It’s just heartbreaking and so completely, unbelievably unfair. I read this letter last week and can’t get it out of my head. It honestly takes my breath away to think of how someone like that must feel. I can’t entirely wrap my head around it, nor do I have any kind of solution to make things better, but all of this certainly diminishes any excitement I feel today.

On a more positive note, it really has been a great ten years and I do feel so lucky to spend every day doing what I love with amazing people. We all have our moments, but I truly enjoy 95% of what I do. My husband yells at me every night for coming home too late but the minutes just go by so quickly. How many people get to say that? I don’t really think I’ve ever taken it for granted, but I can tell you for sure that after these past two months I will never take anything for granted again.

So, upon reflection, here are the top ten things I’ve learned over the past decade, in no particular order. Some are directly about college admissions and some are just about life!

1. So many aspects of the admissions process change from year to year and are unpredictable. It’s very important to stay on top of what’s going on so that you can strategize accordingly. For example, the Class of 2021 will need to look very closely at individual schools’ deferral policies for the Class of 2020 when prioritizing their list and choosing an ED option. Unfortunately, we don’t have this information yet and we will not know it until later this summer or perhaps even early fall. (I am certain that 95% of the policies in place right now will not be the ones in place when it counts, so don’t waste time stressing about this yet.)

2. At the same time, there are aspects of the admissions process that have never changed and will never change: (1) Make the best grades possible in the most difficult courses possible. (2) Achieve the highest test scores possible. (3) Differentiate yourself from the competition as much as possible in terms of everything else.

3. There is literally nothing more painful in the world than watching your child suffer - regardless of what the suffering entails or how minor the issue may appear to a third party. I didn’t fully understand this until I became a parent myself. From failing to make the sports team, to opening the rejection letter, to getting dumped by the loser boyfriend - it’s an emotional rollercoaster. As an observer, I think it’s much harder on the parents than the kids at the end of the day. You desperately want to be able to protect them and sometimes that’s just not possible.

4. Along the same lines, there is NOTHING more infuriating than watching your child make a poor decision, especially when you know better. So. unbelievably. frustrating.

5. The college admissions process can turn the most amazing, grounded people into CRAZY people thanks to #3 on this list (think: those involved in Varsity Blues). This is normal. It will pass. No one in our office will judge you for being a little crazy at times. Just please don’t do anything illegal or unethical in the meantime, as tempting as it might feel, or the consequences of those decisions will not pass.

6. Every single choice a person makes has a consequence, whether large or small (hence #4 on this list), and as a result, we have much more control over our own lives than we realize. It’s just about recognizing the consequences of our actions and also recognizing that inaction is a form of action as well. I’m kind of obsessed with this book that I actually believe my mom purchased for my kids - thanks, Mom! I think someone needs to write a teen version and an adult version. It’s a children’s book, but I have honestly found myself changing my own behavior because of it.

7. By and large, most kids do not listen to their parents, so don’t beat yourself up if yours fall into this category. There are definitely some that do, and their parents are very lucky. For everyone else’s kids, you are not alone, and the good news is that 95% of them will listen when presented with the same information from a neutral third party.

8. The vast majority of kids who think they are bad test-takers just haven’t committed themselves to studying or didn’t have the right preparation. This is NOT the case for everyone. There are some people who truly struggle with standardized tests, especially if there are learning differences involved. But there’s also a heck of a lot of kids who expect to make a 35 on the ACT with an hour or two of studying every week for two months. Not happening.

9. You can’t make assumptions about others’ college admissions results - there is a heck of a lot that goes on behind the scenes that people aren’t publicizing. If someone has surprisingly good (or bad) results, there’s probably a reason for it that they didn’t share with you. Kids with straight Bs don’t get into UVA “because they’re lucky”, and kids with straight As don’t get rejected from all of their colleges “because they’re unlucky.”

10. Everybody has a story. I guess this comes full circle with the beginning of my post. I have heard so many heartbreaking stories over the years - life is just not easy for anyone. Families who look like they belong in a commercial are struggling and families who look like they are struggling to keep it together are the happiest people you’d ever meet. Always give other people the benefit of the doubt.

To any current or former clients reading: thank you from the bottom of my heart for an amazing ten years. My whole team and I are so grateful to have the privilege of not only working with your families but also for your very generous referrals. Over 70% of our clients each year are siblings or close friends of former clients, which means so much! I’m excited to see what the next ten years have in store (just no more global pandemics, please!).

Productivity Tips for All Ages: Family Kanban Boards

Well, it’s week four of quarantine and I think the reality has started to set in for most families that we are in this for the long haul. I’m trying not to complain but wow, this has just been very hard for everyone! When we’re not stressing about the things we can’t control, like the economy, we’re stressing about the things we theoretically can control, like accidentally letting a microscopic germ inside the house from a cereal box that wasn’t sanitized enough!

One common theme I keep hearing from a lot of parents - whether my friends with young kids or my clients with teenagers - is that motivations are dwindling, everyone has cabin fever, and nobody wants to sit down and do what they are supposed to be doing. This is excellent timing (just kidding) given that FCPS is about to re-start next week after a month off!

I know from my work life that parental nagging is usually ineffective and most often just results in everyone fighting with each other. Children (and even teenagers, I promise!) naturally want to please, but it usually turns into a power struggle at home. So the more that parents can distance themselves from the “taskmaster” role, the more likely it is that the tasks will actually be completed… as long as there’s a different type of accountability structure in place. This is exactly where my team and I shine in the college admissions process and why we are so big on the constant follow-up.

So, I decided to practice what I preach to everyone else and stop with the power struggles. Keep in mind, my kids are very young, so it’s not like I really care whether they are formally learning or not. I am not sitting here and pretending we are formally homeschooling - we are definitely not. I have bigger fish to fry, like running a business in the middle of a global pandemic! But I do want them to have a structured day with as little screen time as possible.

Enter Kanban boards!

These can be used by anyone of any age. For adults (see mine below for today) - I use a very simplified version. If you use Trello or the boards setup in Asana, this will look familiar.

Starting out, I put my to-do list in the backlog section to the left. Note that I have chosen only to include one-time tasks, for my purposes. I don’t include things like “responding to email” or “following up after essay coach meetings,” since I do those all day long.

Then I move the tasks that absolutely needed to be completed today to the “To Do” section. I move a task into “Doing” while it’s in the process of completion and “Done” after it’s finished. I personally LOVE the visual reminder of what I’ve accomplished - or what I haven’t accomplished!

I handled it a little bit differently with my kids and attempted to color-code their tasks while giving them some choice. Everything orange (for my daughter) and yellow (for my son) was non-negotiable and needed to be completed. In the morning, they were able to select six of the pink/blue tasks of their choice to add to the agenda for the day. Some of the tasks didn’t apply to today - for example, there’s no girl scout meeting or sewing class. So we skipped that.

My son is only three and can’t read, so if I had more time I would probably have drawn a little picture or something on his tasks for him to understand what they mean instead of having to rely on an adult.

The idea is that THEY get to decide when and how they want to do everything, as long as everything is done properly and according to the task (so 30 min of independent reading really does need to be 30 min), but it can happen whenever. And once the tasks are done - screen time!

For my kids, I will move all the post-its back to the backlog for tomorrow - but for me, I will have a totally different set of tasks, so I just throw mine out at the end of the day and start fresh.

Note: While this is useful for anyone, it can be especially helpful for kids with ADHD or anxiety who need to know what’s ahead and/or have trouble completing tasks and/or focusing on an end goal.

If you are inspired to step on the Kanban bandwagon, the large post-its that stick to the wall are available for curbside pickup at the Office Depot in Reston - that was the only place anywhere near Vienna that had them in stock.

Stay healthy!

Let's not forget about the juniors

On the morning of September 9, 2001, I woke up as my flight from New York was landing in London. I was a junior in high school and my best friends and I had finally arrived to start our “term abroad.” We were SO excited for everything ahead. I’ll never forget excitedly rushing to aol.com to sign in two days later when our group finally got internet access. I was the first one to make it to a computer. Before I could even enter my screen name (ha), there it was: a photo of the planes hitting the WTC.

BOOM! Life changed. In an instant. Forever.

Junior year is a tough time for anyone; that was true twenty years ago and it will be true twenty years from now. Your grades are all of the sudden incredibly important, you’re struggling with test prep, you’re trying to squeeze in college visits, you might be managing a handful of AP classes - it’s just so incredibly stressful in the best of circumstances.

Now, add a global crisis as the cherry on top of the pre-existing stress. That’s just a really, really difficult situation. I’ve been there. I get it.

So, as I see post upon post on social media about how sad it is that seniors are losing all of their end-of-high-school milestones - and don’t get me wrong, I feel terrible for the seniors too - I also think we need to remind ourselves: let’s not forget about the juniors. The seniors were already mentally checked out on high school well before this happened. But when the juniors look back in twenty years, these are the months they will remember. COVID-19 will probably define their high school experience, just as 9/11 defined mine.

Most of our seniors were admitted ED - so with school out, we’ve essentially spent the last couple of weeks with juniors, all day long. I can tell you firsthand that most of these kids are incredibly worried and scared about what the future will hold. They don’t know when they’re going to get to take the standardized tests that are hanging over their heads; they don’t know what’s going to happen to the coveted summer internships they worked so hard to land back in January and February; they don’t know if their schools will be back in session next fall. But they do know that their actions during this time will be judged by college admissions officers in less than a year - and the clock is ticking.

All of this on top of the fact that the “teenage brain is wired with an enhanced capacity for fear and anxiety, but is relatively underdeveloped when it comes to calm reasoning.” YIKES.

Here is some advice to help parents of juniors support their kids right now:

Try to be open and honest about any concerns with which your family is struggling, from finances to illnesses. Teenage imaginations will almost always create situations that are far worse than reality, so look at this as an opportunity to build trust that will come in handy during the college years ahead.

Watch for signs of depression and serious anxiety. When we meet with students on a regular basis, we can see shifts that might not be obvious to parents who see their children every day and aren’t actively looking out for this type of thing. Obviously, we share concerns when appropriate but every parent should be paying attention right now as well.

Pick your battles. Avoid power struggles. Cut them slack in all the areas that don’t really matter - but at the same time, set non-negotiable rules that emphasize health and wellness. Everyone needs to be getting an adequate amount of sleep right now to keep their immune systems functioning as well as possible, and it’s totally unacceptable for kids to be leaving the house to socialize.

Remind them about the silver linings of this situation. As terrible as this is, there are also a number of unexpected advantages. Kids who have been working like crazy all year can relax a little bit without worrying about messing up their perfect GPAs. Kids who haven’t been working like crazy can take advantage of a rare opportunity to positively influence their grades for the year. There are a million cool courses they can take online to explore different fields and now they actually have time to pursue them!

Celebrate their successes and accomplishments. We have a whole bunch of kids who just finished their Common App essays or are about to finish them within the next week. They are also making incredible headway on their teacher and counselor recommendation prep work, they finished their Common Applications long ago - we even have one girl who has written five supplemental essays already in addition to her main Common App essay! We are so proud! It’s important to recognize your kids’ hard work - and remind them how the upcoming months will be so. much. easier. as a result of buckling down now (here’s our list of suggestions for spending this time productively in case you haven’t read it yet).

And on a lighter (but totally serious!) note -

We at DC College Counseling are taking the official stance of no pandemic essays for the Class of 2021.

So, please don’t encourage this - NOT a good idea, Mom and Dad, NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL! This is going to sound terribly morbid, but if an immediate family member passes away, we will find a way to work that in. Otherwise, we need to show the admissions committee that there is more to your student than a pandemic that every single kid on the planet (literally!) is dealing with right now. Wasting valuable essay space on a topic that will not differentiate your student from any other student is not a good idea, no matter how life-altering this period of time will be for all of us.

More like 12,500th. 125,000th? Seriously, I would not be surprised if 75% of applicants write about this.

NOT UNDER OUR WATCH, PLEASE!

P.S. While it kills me to admit this, I actually did write the 9/11 version of the above for my college essay. Ughhhh. I know, I know. And my mom thought it was fantastic. Of course she did. It probably had two spaces after the periods, too. What can I say, we live and learn, right?!

Relying Upon Natural Instincts with Kolbe Indexes

I jumped headfirst into the world of podcasts this past year. I have a whole bunch that I love, and it’s actually incredible how much I can learn while driving or getting ready in the morning.

While I was driving from the University of Wisconsin - Madison to Chicago last month, I listened to a podcast about the value of the Kolbe A Index. I’d never heard of it before but by the end of the episode, I was completely sold. I was dying to get to my hotel so that I could take it myself!

This index measures a person’s instinctive way of doing things in order to identify their strengths. Essentially, there are four categories: Fact Finder, Follow Thru, Quick Start, and Implementor. After taking the short assessment, a person is rated on a 1-10 scale in each category to learn about their instinctive action pattern in that particular category.

The key, though, is that none of this is “bad” or “good.”

A person who has a low score in the Fact Finder category might be great at looking at the big picture without needing to deal with details. On the flip side, a person with a high score in that category might be great at research, collecting information and making meaning of that information (data analysis, basically).

The objective is to use the findings to make sure that the person has a career and relationships that align with their natural instincts - this is what will lead to their happiness and success.

Don’t read into the actual names of the categories too much, because they aren’t as directly linked as you might expect (this is actually my only criticism - I find the names confusing).

For instance, Implementor isn’t about a person’s instinctive ability to implement, as I would guess; it’s about tangibles, and measures mental vs. physical implementation. Along the same lines, Follow Thru is more about adaptability and the need for processes.

Here are my results:

In news that did not surprise me one bit, I am a middle-to-high Fact Finder and have the second-highest Quick Start score possible- meaning that in addition to my obsession with data, I have a natural tendency to innovate and problem-solve. I have a low Implementor score, so I’m good at figuring out ideas in my head and useless when it comes to fixing or setting up physical items.

My report actually advised that I’d be unhappy if I had to “take responsibility for maintaining equipment, demonstrate the use of mechanical stuff, or take apart small appliances.” You do not have to tell me any of that twice!

I also have a low Follow Thru score, meaning that I enjoy “cut[ting] through bureaucracy” and would be unhappy if I had to “adhere to redundant systems.” YES!

what I thought was really interesting is that parents can use this information TO IMPROVE THEIR DAY-TO-DAY INTERACTIONS WITH TEENAGE OR ADULT CHILDREN.

How often do we hear ourselves (and other parents) saying things like “I just don’t understand why she makes the same mistakes over and over again” or “Why isn’t he willing to visit colleges”? Well, this will help you understand exactly what’s going on - and how your child’s natural instincts impact their actions.

Instead of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, parents can compare their own Kolbe A Index score with their child’s Kolbe Y Index score to learn about how the two align and how they can most effectively communicate and interact with one another.

We can also work with teenagers’ Kolbe scores to help them try to figure out which careers could be the best natural fit.

The idea is that if you force someone into a behavior or role that goes against the person’s natural instinct, they won’t succeed.

I learned that my score report above suggested that I would find success and happiness as a combined subject matter expert and entrepreneur.

Pretty cool, right?

(Note: This is not a sponsored post at all - I just really think Kolbe scores could be helpful for families!)

Sleep Training and the College Admissions Process: Different Ages, Same Lesson

Did anyone else have kids that were awful sleepers as babies? I was always so envious of parents whose babies slept all night or woke up just once or twice.

That is NOT how things went in my house! When I had my daughter, I thought there must be something wrong with her because she just wouldn’t sleep. It was like she was nocturnal or something. Then I had my son and realized that maybe my daughter wasn’t quite so bad after all.

Election Night 2016. A terrible night in every respect! We found out later that he had acid reflux.

He routinely screamed all night long. Every night. For months. It was extremely unpleasant and ultimately got to a point where I just couldn’t take it anymore.

As soon as he was old enough to sleep train, we sought the guidance of a sleep trainer who we also used with my daughter five years earlier. (If anyone knows a parent with an infant, her name is Suzy Giordano and an hour with her is probably the best gift you could ever give someone).

I can honestly say that this woman saved my sanity and my marriage. Probably more than that. My business. Everything. I could not function because I was not getting any sleep and had to work all day.

So now that I have finished singing her praises, I will tell you that Suzy is not cheap. At all. I gave her information to a friend in an equally awful situation, and she was appalled that I would pay so much for sleep training. She clearly thought the sleep deprivation had gotten to my head.

Don’t get me wrong - I know she’s expensive, obscenely expensive. I am not the kind of person who routinely pays people $500/hr to do things for me, let’s put it that way. But the one thing I learned from paying Suzy Giordano was the difference between cost and value.

Let’s think of the value that woman brought to my life. I am not exaggerating when I say that I would have taken out a second mortgage on my home at that point to get some sleep. I was in a seriously desperate situation. Paying Suzy $500/hr actually represented an incredible value when you consider how working with her turned my life around. She was worth sooooo much more than we paid.

Recently I had a mother ask me to tell her point blank why my team is worth the cost of the prices we charge. In almost a decade, no one has ever actually asked me that.

After thinking about it more, I decided we probably weren’t worth it for every family. I’m being honest. There are definitely cheaper options out there - much cheaper - particularly if you’re willing to work with someone that doesn’t have college admissions experience but has helped their own child, or maybe knows absolutely nothing about college admissions but is a good writer who can help with essays.

If your situation meets all of these criteria, you are reading correctly - we are not worth the cost. Find someone cheaper!

• Your student already knows exactly how and where he wants to apply and the schools aren’t all crazy reaches (I say this because someone who only wants to apply to crazy reaches has a very high likelihood of ending up at NOVA when they don’t get in anywhere at all. Then they call me in May and the whole family is in tears and can’t figure out what went wrong. Every year this happens.) I’m talking about the straight-A kid with a 35 ACT who is involved in every activity under the sun and applying ED to UVA/ED II to William & Mary, as well as a number of other safer options. No out-of-the-box strategy or tough conversations about being realistic needed. Just write strong essays and make sure that the recommendations and applications are also done well.

• Your student is 100% (or at least 95%) motivated and does not need constant reminders to stay on task. You tell him that he needs 20 essays by August 1, he is able to self-regulate his time while meeting with a tutor once per week for extra help, and has 20 perfect essays ready to go on July 30. This kid does not need Rebeccah reminding him multiple times per week about every individual task he needs to finish in order to meet his ultimate goal and then checking up to make sure he completed each of them.

• Your student appreciates constructive criticism from his parents and takes it at face value without giving pushback or needing an intermediary to deliver tough messages. No fighting. “Thanks for your input, Mom! I’ll make that edit right away!”

• Your student is good at developing original ideas (he doesn’t have to be amazing in terms of style- you can hire a writing tutor on the side to help with that - but somebody familiar with the school, without the voice of a 50-year-old mom, has got to be able to help with content creation for that 600-word “Why College X” essay!).

• Your student has taken detailed notes from every college visit, is a regular on “College Confidential” and generally understands the specific unwritten requirements that many individual schools have. Yes, that means that the “Why Columbia” supplement needs to reference the core curriculum and the “Why Penn” supplement needs to reference the city of Philadelphia.

Okay, so I was kidding a little bit about having a teenager that appreciates constructive parental criticism, but other than that, there really are families out there whose kids meet the other criteria. They typically do not work with me on an ongoing basis but I see them for strategy sessions.

For the other 90% of families, it’s important to consider the difference between cost and value. College is likely the most important investment you will make as a parent - ever. I’ve written about this before in our FAQ: while we are not the cheapest option in town, there is absolutely zero question that we provide the best value.

P.S. My friend’s kid did not sleep through the night until 18 months. Mine did by 5 months. She will be hiring Suzy the next time around.

Cognitive Dissonance and the Check-Listed Childhood

How many parents out there have read Julie Lythcott-Haims’ How to Raise an Adult, or watched her Ted Talk on the concept of what she defines as a “check-listed childhood”? I am starting to think that everyone in America must have, because her views seem to come up in conversation constantly. If you are not familiar, you can find the video of the Ted Talk here and it’s definitely worth watching if you can’t make time to read the book.

When I first watched her Ted Talk, I was mildly horrified. I agreed with everything she said, of course, and thought about her message during my first rodeo in the world of competitive parenting this fall. I have a first grader, and she took the NNAT on November 13 - my birthday (oh the irony!). I know that many other parents prepped their children for the test; I did not, and I felt really great about my clearly-superior parenting skills. I was going to do this the right way!

As mid-December moved into late-December and we still hadn’t gotten her score back, I turned into a crazy person. I checked SIS like a maniac. Or would it come in the Wednesday folder? In her backpack? Finally, I learned that the letters had been mailed and that I would receive the score on Christmas Eve through the mail. What first seemed like bad timing was actually incredibly well-played, because then parents couldn’t contact the school with questions and would have to wait two weeks to simmer down. Smart.

I spent most of Christmas Eve waiting obsessively for the mailman to come. I wanted it to be high, so she would have a good shot at the AAP program. I saw him come from an upstairs window and made my husband run out to grab it, and stood in the kitchen opening the envelope with my heart pounding, like a complete and total idiot. She is six years old. She did well, by the way, probably not high enough to be in-pool for AAP, but it was a good score. She is a smart kid. Still, I was disappointed (don’t worry, she was not home and she has no clue that this score even exists). Clearly, my decision to forgo test prep was not in line with my goal of a high score.

The entire experience helped me identify with my clients on a deeper level in terms of the concept of cognitive dissonance - particularly in relation to our goals for our children and the effort that it takes to achieve those goals. At the core, we all want our kids to be happy and fulfilled, right? I don’t think that there are many of us that want to push our children over the edge. We all realistically know that test prep for a first grader is probably not a great idea, just as we know that pushing high school kids to overwhelm themselves with coursework that requires studying until 3:00 a.m. each day is not a good idea.

Yet, and this is especially timely at this time of year with course registration on the horizon: how many of us actually modify our goals for our children in response to the decisions we make as parents? It was easy for me to say that I wasn’t going to prep my first-grader for the NNAT, but it was harder to feel fine with the eventual outcome. It’s easy to say that we shouldn’t force twelfth graders to take AP Calculus or continue with a slate of activities that they no longer enjoy, but it’s so much harder to truly feel fine with the idea that UVA may not be in the cards anymore because of those decisions.

I don’t have a magical solution to solve this problem (I wish I did!). It would be so much easier if my daughter just scored perfectly on her own and if all the kids with whom I work are naturally Harvard-bound without any kind of intervention. Ultimately, though, I think that there is a balance between a check-listed childhood and free-range parenting, and that balance may look different for each family.

I would urge parents to consider these types of dilemmas while acknowledging the consequences in the context of our ultimate goals for our children. This doesn’t mean that we should necessarily adjust our goals or adjust our parenting decisions, but we do have to come to terms with the idea that decisions lead to consequences, so that there are no surprises down the line in terms of an inability to achieve goals. There may be situations when we as parents decide that a little pain now is worth the end result, and there may be situations where we decide it isn’t.

As for me, I have a lot of strategy and planning sessions on my calendar this month and will be discussing course selections at length. I will continue to tell everyone that I highly recommend AP Calculus to students that hope to be competitive applicants to highly selective schools, if AP Calculus is an option on the table. Yes, even for the kid that’s not interested in math. And yes, a fourth year of a foreign language (not to be confused with level four) is equally important… IF the goal is UVA. But it doesn’t have to be!

Coming Home to Stay

I recently came across The New York Times article When a College Student Comes Home to Stay and felt it necessary to add my two cents, given my experience working with so many families and students over the years.

In previous generations, everyone looked forward to college. Arrival on campus for freshman orientation represented freedom, new friends, and a major step towards adulthood. Today, the lead-up to college has spiraled out of control, and arrival on campus represents so much more: a sought-after prize that justifies a decade (or more!) of sacrifice.

As students work tirelessly to perfect their college essays and try desperately to increase their ACT scores following years and years of pressure, they often can’t help but develop very unrealistic expectations about the end goals that they are trying to achieve with so much hard work. This idealized version of college certainly doesn’t leave room for imagining days caught in the rain without an umbrella, courses with terrible professors, evenings missing family and friends from home, or poor scores earned during the first round of exams.

When the bad days come - and there will be bad days, even at Harvard - students are stunned and surprised. They often start thinking something is wrong with them or that they cannot handle college altogether.  95% of the time, nothing is wrong at all; they are simply experiencing the ups and downs of daily life. Because this happens so often, I find it increasingly important to guide families during the college application process to maintain a realistic viewpoint, and I encourage parents to have discussions with their children about the realities of college and the “real world.”  

The better perspective these students bring with them to their freshman year of college, the less likely they will feel as if the world is crashing down around them when they are no longer in the top 10% of their class, get their first C in a course, or aren’t getting along with their roommate. 

Of course, there are also situations when something more serious is at play. Should a student come home from a break or their first year and not want to return, or transfer to another school, all is not lost.  Here at DC College Counseling, we not only serve high school students and their families that are embarking on the college application process for the first time, we also enjoy working with students who would like to transfer to a better-fit school.  Every year we assist students from a variety of backgrounds who were unhappy with their first college selection.  

Many of our clients are interested to learn that countless schools, such as UVA, have much higher acceptance rates for transfer students than incoming freshmen.  In fact, we find that students who do transfer schools often have better and more options available to them than when they applied to college during high school.  No matter what your family seeks or needs, always know that many options exist and we are here to help.