It’s incredible that today is our tenth anniversary. So many emotions!
In all honesty, I’m not as excited today as I would have expected. I have reflected a lot over the past week or two about what I’ve accomplished over the last decade and the many sacrifices I have made along the way to get where I am today. Some have been small and some have been enormous (hello second child with zero maternity leave, and I do mean ZERO).
It kills me to think about the many other small business owners out there who have worked just as hard as I have - and their entire livelihoods have been destroyed because of factors that (a) came out of nowhere and (b) were entirely out of their control. It’s just heartbreaking and so completely, unbelievably unfair. I read this letter last week and can’t get it out of my head. It honestly takes my breath away to think of how someone like that must feel. I can’t entirely wrap my head around it, nor do I have any kind of solution to make things better, but all of this certainly diminishes any excitement I feel today.
On a more positive note, it really has been a great ten years and I do feel so lucky to spend every day doing what I love with amazing people. We all have our moments, but I truly enjoy 95% of what I do. My husband yells at me every night for coming home too late but the minutes just go by so quickly. How many people get to say that? I don’t really think I’ve ever taken it for granted, but I can tell you for sure that after these past two months I will never take anything for granted again.
So, upon reflection, here are the top ten things I’ve learned over the past decade, in no particular order. Some are directly about college admissions and some are just about life!
So many aspects of the admissions process change from year to year and are unpredictable. It’s very important to stay on top of what’s going on so that you can strategize accordingly. For example, the Class of 2021 will need to look very closely at individual schools’ deferral policies for the Class of 2020 when prioritizing their list and choosing an ED option. Unfortunately, we don’t have this information yet and we will not know it until later this summer or perhaps even early fall. (I am certain that 95% of the policies in place right now will not be the ones in place when it counts, so don’t waste time stressing about this yet.)
At the same time, there are aspects of the admissions process that have never changed and will never change: (1) Make the best grades possible in the most difficult courses possible. (2) Achieve the highest test scores possible. (3) Differentiate yourself from the competition as much as possible in terms of everything else.
There is literally nothing more painful in the world than watching your child suffer - regardless of what the suffering entails or how minor the issue may appear to a third party. I didn’t fully understand this until I became a parent myself. From failing to make the sports team, to opening the rejection letter, to getting dumped by the loser boyfriend - it’s an emotional rollercoaster. As an observer, I think it’s much harder on the parents than the kids at the end of the day. You desperately want to be able to protect them and sometimes that’s just not possible.
Along the same lines, there is NOTHING more infuriating than watching your child make a poor decision, especially when you know better. So. unbelievably. frustrating.
The college admissions process can turn the most amazing, grounded people into CRAZY people thanks to #3 on this list (think: those involved in Varsity Blues). This is normal. It will pass. No one in our office will judge you for being a little crazy at times. Just please don’t do anything illegal or unethical in the meantime, as tempting as it might feel, or the consequences of those decisions will not pass.
Every single choice a person makes has a consequence, whether large or small (hence #4 on this list), and as a result, we have much more control over our own lives than we realize. It’s just about recognizing the consequences of our actions and also recognizing that inaction is a form of action as well. I’m kind of obsessed with this book that I actually believe my mom purchased for my kids - thanks, Mom! I think someone needs to write a teen version and an adult version. It’s a children’s book, but I have honestly found myself changing my own behavior because of it.
By and large, most kids do not listen to their parents, so don’t beat yourself up if yours fall into this category. There are definitely some that do, and their parents are very lucky. For everyone else’s kids, you are not alone, and the good news is that 95% of them will listen when presented with the same information from a neutral third party.
The vast majority of kids who think they are bad test-takers just haven’t committed themselves to studying or didn’t have the right preparation. This is NOT the case for everyone. There are some people who truly struggle with standardized tests, especially if there are learning differences involved. But there’s also a heck of a lot of kids who expect to make a 35 on the ACT with an hour or two of studying every week for two months. Not happening.
You can’t make assumptions about others’ college admissions results - there is a heck of a lot that goes on behind the scenes that people aren’t publicizing. If someone has surprisingly good (or bad) results, there’s probably a reason for it that they didn’t share with you. Kids with straight Bs don’t get into UVA “because they’re lucky”, and kids with straight As don’t get rejected from all of their colleges “because they’re unlucky.”
Everybody has a story. I guess this comes full circle with the beginning of my post. I have heard so many heartbreaking stories over the years - life is just not easy for anyone. Families who look like they belong in a commercial are struggling and families who look like they are struggling to keep it together are the happiest people you’d ever meet. Always give other people the benefit of the doubt.
To any current or former clients reading: thank you from the bottom of my heart for an amazing ten years. My whole team and I are so grateful to have the privilege of not only working with your families but also for your very generous referrals. Over 70% of our clients each year are siblings or close friends of former clients, which means so much! I’m excited to see what the next ten years have in store (just no more global pandemics, please!).